The Girl You Lost
by Rosalia Hernandez
Summary: Takes place in SK before the Strigoi attack. Dimitri leaves Rose and she is falling apart and nobody knows why except Adrian who adores her. Rose self diagnoses herself with Bulimia but what if it's something else?
1. Goodbye

**This is my first fan-fic so please do not be too harsh to me. **

**This is set in SK but before the Strigoi Attack. **

**I do not own Vampire Academy or any of the characters. ENJOY. (: **

"I'm sorry Roza but we can never be together. " he, the love of my life whispered into my ear right before he walked out of gym leaving me more alone than I had ever felt before. Dimitri was leaving and soon he would be gone from my life forever. I stood in the gym frozen staring at the white walls for what seemed to be a lifetime. I don't know what I was thinking for all that time or if I was thinking at all. It honestly felt like I had stopped living completely and that I was no longer alive. That man that I had loved had just left me and I don't know why. What was I supposed to think, do or believe?

"Rose!" a sweet caring and familiar voice said knocking me out of my trance, "I've been looking for your for hours" Lissa my best friend said as she casually strolled towards me.

"Hey Liss" I said acting normally. There was no way that she could know what had just happened. It wasn't fair for her to deal with my bullshit. I, after all was the one that was protecting her and instead of doing my job I was weeping over a man, a man that I had loved with all of my heart but he was a man that had left me with no explanation.

"Is something wrong Rose?" Liss, said as she waved her pale white hand in front of my face. I smiled weakly at her.

"Of course there wouldn't be. I'm just really tired and I haven't had food in what, three hours? I think I'm going to die of starvation" I joked, Liss rolled her eyes at me.

"Well that is why I am here to take you to dinner" Liss said as she linked her skinny arms with mine and she then led me out of the gym, out of the room that I had last seen him in.

"Rosie Posie, what's wrong? You normally eat like a beast" Christian said to me as I pushed all of the food around on my plate with my fork. I didn't move my head up to look at him but I could feel his and the rests of the tables questioning gaze fixed on me.

"Nothing. I'm just tired, no shut up fireboy before I punch you" I said as I stared at my plate, holding back the tears that have been trying to fight there way out. I will not cry, I will never cry, I Rose Hathaway will never ever ever be weak ever again. Never again in my life will I let someone walk in and out of my life.

"Rose, I thought you were hungry before?" Lissa said confused and also worried. I pained me to see her worry about me when I was the one who should be worrying about her. I was so selfish!

"I was but I'm not anymore" I said as I looked up at her questioning and worried eyes. "Nothing can ever get Rose Hathaway down" _except for the man that she loved leaving her in pieces. _

"_Can you believe Guardian Belikov is leaving?" Eddie said immediately catching my attention. When I looked up from my plate everyone at the table was staring at me. _

"_Good Riddance" I said putting on a brave face "The man was an ass" I said faking a laugh which just sounded pathetic and shaky. Hold it together Rose, they can never ever know. _

"_He may have been an ass but he was one of the best Guardians ever!" Christian said giving me a weird look._

"_He wasn't an ass!" Lissa said defensively while looking at me with disappointment._

"_Yea well you were not the one that had to wake up early in the morning to train with him!" I said with my true Rose Hathaway attitude. _

"_True" Christian said then paused "I wonder why he left. Did he tell you Rose?". _

_No, why would he tell me. I was nothing to him. I was fucking nothing. He left me behind like a piece of trash and sure as hell was not a piece of trash. "No, he did not" I said before I went back to starring at my plate._

"_I heard he went to guard your Aunt Tasha, Christian" Mia said and as those words came out of her mouth I felt my fists clench. If he was leaving for that whore, well she wasn't a whore but if he left me for that cougar all hell was going to break loose. _

"_I heard that he left to go guard his childhood sweetheart in Russia" Eddie said. _

"_I have to go" I said as I quickly got up from the table and bolted out of the room at lightening speed. If I stayed in there any longer I was going to be sick, someone was going to be punched and then I was going to break down in front of the while cafeteria. I sprinted to my dorm with tears streaming down my face. He had left me for another woman, I felt sick, sick to my core. How could he do that to me after everything? _


	2. Sick and Alone

**Okay so I felt like the first chapter was extremely boring and clique. So here's one of the new twists in the story in this chapter. **

**I would just like to clarify that Dimitri and Rose did sleep together before I began this story but the strigoi attacks never occurred. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy or any of the characters blah blah blah. **

2 weeks later

"Rose you cannot hide in the bathroom forever sometime soon you're going to have to leave your room and I will be waiting here" Liss said as she continuously knocked on my bathroom door, like she had been doing for the last hour!

"Fine" I huffed as I flushed the toilet which I had just hurled in. "What do you want Liss?" I asked her as I opened the bathroom door.

"I wanted to see my best friend. I miss you Rose. I haven't seen you in 2 weeks. Not since that dinner and every time I went to see you, you would never open your door or Stan Alto, yes Stan Alto would tell me that I could not visit my best friend!" Liss said with a hint of anger in her voice. Ever since that dinner I have stayed locked up in my room. The Guardians, ah I hated that word it reminded me of him too much, knew something as up but they didn't push me and I think it was because Alberta told them not to, bless her soul. Everyday one of the Guardians would bring me breakfast, lunch and dinner and everyday I would vomit all of those things up. It was horrible, I was in the bathroom all the god damn time!

**Flashback to two days after the Dinner when Alberta came to my room. **

"Rose, open up. I know you can hear me!" Alberta yelled as she knocked on my door repetitively.

"Give me a minute" I yelled as I flushed the toilet and then rinsed my mouth out with water. I looked in the mirror and I didn't even recognise the person I saw in the mirror. It was like there wasn't even a person in the mirror. The face was blank, like a white piece of paper. Their eyes empty, it was like they had no soul left, like they were no longer there.

"Rose, if you don't open your door I will kick I down!" Alberta threatened "You skipped all of your classes today that's just not like you" she said in a worried voice.

"Coming!" I tried to yell but it just sounded croaky. "Come in" I said to Alberta as I opened my door. I did not make eye contact with her. As soon as she was in my room I shut it and went to sit on a chair in my room that was directly beside a window.

"Rose, why weren't you in any of your classes today?" Alberta asked, she wasn't mad she was just curious.

"Was sick" I said as I starred out of my window and at the trees.

"Dhampairs don't get sick" Alberta simply stated.

"Well I guess I am" I said with attitude.

"Rose" Alberta said in a warning voice. I just stayed silent waiting for her to leave or say something else but she didn't she just sat on the other chair in my room.

Several moments past and I grew sick of the awkward silence.

"What do you want?" I asked in a bitter voice and I'm quite sure I saw Alberta flinch.

"Rose, I want to know what's wrong? You skipped classes today and yesterday. That is not like you".

"No, you're right it's not" I said blandly.

"Rosemarie Hathaway!" Alberta yelled in a voice that made me jump.

"I'm sick okay!" I yelled at her. "I don't feel well. I always have a headache, it feels like my brain is going to explode! I can't eat because everything I eat I throw back up!" I yelled at her but I still never took my eyes from the trees.

"Oh, well then I'll send a doctor up soon" Alberta said before she got up and left in a hurry.

The doctor came up later that day and diagnosed my symptoms as a virus because what else could make a dhampair sick, right? But before that she inquired into my sex life asking if I was active. I almost threw up jus thinking about it. I told her that I was not active because I would rather not tell her about a certain Russian God that has just used me and left me to waste. The doctors said the virus would be gone in a matter of days however it didn't.

**Back to the present. **

"Look Liss I haven't been feeling well since then. The doctors think that I have some kind of super virus because we all know that Dhampairs and Moroi do not get sick but I've been vomiting for two weeks now".

"Oh" Liss said a look of embarrassment on her face "you could of sent me a letter or texted me or something to tell me that you were sick" Liss said crossing her arms, she wasn't angry but she wasn't too happy with me either.

"Look Liss I just really haven't been feeling well lately and that was the last thing on my mind" _the only thing that was on my mind was my Russian God, wait I couldn't even call him that anymore, he wasn't mine! _

"Rose, I know that's not it. I know something else is up. I can feel it. Why can't you just tell me what is wrong?" Liss, said as she sat down on the edge of my bed.

"I can't" I said as I closed my eyes and began to cry. "I just can't. I'm so sorry Liss". She came up to me and wrapped her long arms around me and patted my back trying to sooth me.

"What ever it is you can tell me Rose. We're sisters we are always here for each other" she said in a soothing voice that almost made me want to tell her what was wrong, well part of what was wrong. I had two problems at the moment.

"Liss" I said finally decided to tell her half of the truth "I think I have Bulimia and it won't go away!" I said moments before I collapsed into the darkness.

**The next chapter will include our darling Adrian coming to Rose's rescue and who knows maybe he will be able to fill the hole in her heart or maybe not? **


	3. Why did I push him away?

So it had been now been three weeks since my Russian god decided to up and leave. For three weeks I have hidden in my room, three weeks of continuous vomiting. I was alone, all alone. Nobody even came to visit me anymore except Adrian, every time I shut my eyes he was there. Adrian had turned from a complete drunk arse hole to my rock. He understood what had went on between Dimitri and I and he never judged me, he simply held me when I cried and listened whenever I decided to speak which wasn't a lot lately. I don't think I will ever want to leave my room but I know I will soon have to if I want to graduate. My defined muscles were slowly wasting away, all my hard work was for nothing if I just gave up on life like Dimitri had given up on me. I never thought of him to be a coward or someone to run away but that was how I felt towards him now. It was simple I hated him, so so so very much but I knew under that hate was a lifetime of hurt and disappointment in myself for not being good enough. I looked at myself in the mirror and felt sick. Her eyes were empty, bags were under her eyes, her hair looked like a zoo, her skin was pale and she, was there wasn't much left of her. She was now wasting away. I was wasting away whether I or anyone else liked it or not.

"I can't believe she's given up on me" I whispered croakily to myself as I laid in my bed, it felt like I was laying in my own filth. I was a mess and when I needed my best friend to be here for me she left. Yep, like Dimitri she left, walked out of my life forever, turned her back however you want to think of it. I was now all alone and scared of what was to become of me. The day that I told Lissa that I thought I had bulimia was the day that she told me that she was moving to court, without me. She didn't even ask me to go! We hadn't even graduate and I was meant to be her guardian but no, she didn't need me anymore. She was having another Guardian. I don't understand why she even bothered saying that we were sisters or that she was always going to be there for me when she had planned to leave anyways. If I died, I hope she would feel that the blood would be on her hands. Well not really but I would hope that she would feel guilty after everything she had done to me. I had given her everything, just like I had given Dimitri everything and yet they both failed to appreciate me. I guess if my own father never turned up to know me and my mother abandoned me I should have been use to this feeling but it hurt even more thinking that I would finally feel loved, finally be accepted.

Lissa had blocked me out of her head, I don't know how she did it but she did. I still took the spirit away from her though which drove me even crazier than I already felt. I was on the verge of welcoming death with wide open arms. If the two people that I had given everything to decided that I wasn't worth anything then I may as well go kill myself. What was the point of life without the two main people who were meant to be in my future?

I walked from my bathroom to my room collapsed into my bed and welcomed the darkness hoping that I would never see the light again. "Little Dhampair, always a pleasure to see you" Adrian said as in the dream.

"Adrian" I said with a sigh as I looked at our surroundings we were in the forest that surrounded the Academy. It was beautiful unlike everything else that was in my life at the moment.

"I wish you would smile" Adrian said as he welcomed me with a hug. I sighed against chest.

"I will never smile again" I said as I pulled away from him.

"Don't say that Little Dhampair. One day you'll see that what they did has benefited you"

"I hope I don't live that long" I muttered under my breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing" I said as I avoided his gaze.

"You can't give up on life because two people left"

"Yes, yes I can and I will" I said as I stared at the ground.

"I won't let you. I won't give up" Adrian said strongly. I laughed bitterly.

"You will. Everyone has. My father, my mother, Dimitri and now Lissa and you will be next Adrian. I've had enough false promises for a life time so just stop" I said in a rather bored voice. Adrian just shook his head. "What?" I asked annoyed.

"You have little faith in me but I'll prove you wrong" Adrian said before he vanished.

_Knock, knock, kock. _I groaned as I rolled out of bed. "Who is it?" I said weakly.

"Adrian" there was a pause "now open up or I'll bust this door down". I almost wanted to laugh at the last part of his sentence.

"Go away Adrian. I don't want to see you"

"Rose quit being so Stubborn"

"Can't, was born this way" I said with hint of attitude.

"Rose" Adrian said in a warning voice, if I was my old said I would of said "Adrian" in the same voice just to tease him. "Open up. You cannot shut me out. I'm the only one you have left and you're either going to realise that today or tomorrow or the next day because I won't give up". I stayed silent as I stared at my door. "Rose answer me" Adrian yelled in a voice that made me jump.

"Why?"

"Why? Are you kidding me are you really asking me why?" Adrian asked, he sounded hysterical. "Why. Because you need a friend. Because I _need_ to see you. Because I care about you. Because, god dammit Rose, I love you!" Adrian yelled then he whispered "I've always loved you".

"Leave!" I screamed at him, well I screamed at the door. "Leave now!" I screamed over and over and over again until someone had to drag him away.

Why was I always alone?

Why was I always abandoned?

Why was I such a screw up?

Why? Why?

All I wanted to know was why?

**If there's even anyone reading this, I am truly sorry if there were a few spelling mistakes or some sentences didn't make sense, I was in a rush when I wrote this. ****J **


	4. Miserable

Two days has passed since my last encounter with Adrian and in those two days I had stopped living.

I had now literally lost everyone that I had ever cared about and everyone that cared about me. Being left bitter would be better than my emotional state, I was now nothing. Without the love of those who I cherished I was nothing, Rose Hathaway was no more. When they left me they each took a piece of me and my last piece rested with Adrian and when he left I was officially ruined. My heart broke into a thousand pieces when Dimitri my Russian god left me and when Lissa left and shattered those thousands of pieces of my heart even more and when Adrian walked out on me those pieces burnt into flames and now I was left with ashes. I was burnt into ashes. I wish I could burn myself into a million ashes and then be tossed out to seas. At least then I would no longer be feeling alone and tortured. Being murdered violently over and over and over again would feel like heaven compared to how I was feeling. No matter how many times I tried to sum up to myself how I felt I could not, there were no words for it. When I slept, which was only once since Adrian left and that was because I had taken too many painkillers, I didn't just see the three faces of the faces that I loved the most dearly, I saw more. Dimitri, Lissa, Adrian weren't the only ones who abandoned me. Christian, my mother, my father who I didn't even know, Eddie had left me too.

**I know it is extremely short and I am sorry. I will most likely update tomorrow or the day after. Oh and this will not be a story where Adrian raises Dimitris and Roses child. I have a massive twist that I'd like to put in it if I continue this story. ****J **


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